Over Shabbat I read the book “I Hope I Screw This Up: How Falling in Love with Your Fears Can Change the World” by Kyle Cease. So much reminded me of things we talk about in process group in CPE, it was the same themes of how if we allow ourselves to feel, we will be able to be more connected. How thinking might not be connecting, and sometimes makes things bigger than they are. And even ways to allow one’s self to feel, and when you are open to feeling you are able to grow more. Well, here are some of the quotes that I really liked. Look out for some of my answers to the exercises he brings up – I’m trying new things this year (yay feelings?!…)
… When we live in that fearful part of ourselves, all sorts of stuff that isn’t really that big of a deal completely starts to feel like it’s life-and-death… those are the things we’ve created stories around in our mind that have linked us back to that fight-or-flight response in our instinctual nervous system. Our minds are constantly putting us in survival modes all day so they can protect us from what they think will be death, and unfortunately, our minds think almost everything is death. Our minds think starting something new is death. They think being judged by other people is death. They think losing a friend is death. If you are wrong about something, that’s death. If you’re not number one, if you get made fun of, if you don’t make enough money, you’ll die…So we’re constantly doing things unconsciously to avoid dying. We judge people before they can judge us. We hold on to relationships and friendships that don’t fill us anymore. We hoard as much money as possible. We avoid following our passions and stay small…
As I wrote chapter one, my head was blocking my heart from coming through because it was trying to control the outcome of this book (in order to survive), but the head isn’t the enemy. In fact, it’s our job to access and love both the head and the heart at the same time. Our minds are brilliant tools we’ve been given to use in collaboration with the creativity of our hearts, but many of us are living exclusively from our heads and have cut off the infinite wisdom of our souls. Our brains are basically like mid-level employees who have convinced all the other employees that they’re the boss and now everyone’s confused about who’s steering the ship. We then go back and forth between brilliance and chaos on an almost moment-to-moment basis.
The truth is, none of our emotions are bad. Not sadness. Not fear. Not negativity. It’s not about getting rid of our sadness, it’s about becoming a big enough space that we can totally accept and love every part of ourselves. It’s not about avoiding the dark and moving toward the light. The amount of light that we can bring into the world is equal to the amount of darkness that we can accept and love. We’re not here to feel happy, we’re here to feel fully.
When we are stressed out and lost in that illusion, sometimes it can feel like the world is crushing us. We feel the strain in our heads as we do everything we can to keep from falling apart. It’s almost like we are these fragile ice cubes that are melting into a glass of warm water. We feel separate and small and like we have to keep it all together or we’ll lose everything. We feel like we are getting smaller and smaller and if we don’t do something quick, if we don’t fight, if we don’t run, we will cease (MY NAME!) to exist.
What if the truth is that we are more like the warm water than the ice cube? What if you could be a space for your fear to dissolve into? What if you were a giant glass of warm water that could love and connect with the fear inside of you? The ice will eventually melt into the water, but if you thought your identity was ice, you would try as hard as you could to stay frozen because you’d think melting meant death. You would have to be more rigid, cold and hard as a protective mechanism if you believed that you were ice.
What ice might not understand is, if it would surrender to the warm water, it would melt, but it would still exist. Not only would it still exist, but it would join together with even more of itself and access an entirely new level of possibility. If the ice cube would just sit back and let itself go, it would slowly dissolve back into what it actually is, a warm, fluid, soft glass of water.
When we are in fear, we are often scared of the love that we are. We are scared to receive love from others and we are unaware that it is inevitable that we will become love.
When you are scared of something, you are like the ice cube. You believe that you have something to protect and you are trying to sustain an old identity. At any moment, you can let go and fall into the love that you are. You can be theater that holds the space for the ice. You are the love that holds the space for the thoughts.
You have nothing to do. It’s being done for you.
Ice has to constantly create a freezing situation to live. Fear is the same way.
…People who are in fear have to surround themselves with others who are in fear. People who complain about everything must be around other fear-based people to keep their ice cube frozen. When fear-based people are around people who are self-connected, they feel threatened. Water can remain ice that everything is okay, and that would mean that ice is wrong. The worst thing to someone in fear is to be wrong. People who are in fear think that being wrong means death. They would rather fight, and even kill, others than face the fact that there is more to life than what they believe…
If you were to go for at least ten days phoneless, medialess, and without other people who act like ice cubes, you would melt very, very quickly. You would be like a boiling pot of water and you would feel your old identity dissolve into the infinite space of possibility and creativity that you are. You would feel expansion of love. You would feel a new level of fulfillment while also feeling a sense of letting go. There would be sadness as you mourned the old story of who you thought you were. You would feel tears as you said good-bye to the old protective mechanisms that helped you through a challenging world and a difficult childhood. You would say good-bye to the old story of protection that did what it had to do to not feel abandoned or yelled at, or ignored or hurt by your parents. You would feel that ice cube that you might have identified with for years dissolve into the real you. It would dissolve into your infinite ocean.
we are not here to judge the world outside and try to change it to fit our minds’ controlling, limited viewpoint. Instead we are here to see the love in everything. Everything is you. Everything is in purpose. Even your thinking that you are out of purpose is in purpose.
Your pain is in your love for some of life but not all of it. Our resistance to what is cuts us off from our soul. Our acceptance of what is connects us to everything and makes way fora true internal healing followed by an external healing. As your internal state becomes fluid and in alignment with your true nature, your external world will begin to mirror that alignment. Later you will discover internal and external are the same.
As we sit and watch, we can discover that the judgment that come up in our heads are, and always have been, an illusion. All of our separation and fear is pure illusion. You will start to discover that the only difference between you and everyone else is the story in your head. This sounds crazy to the mind because it is a separation machine. For the mind to survive it has to be separate from everything and everyone it sees so it can maintain its individual story. When we move beyond the mind, we enter a dimension where we see how much of a lie that actually is. Our bodies and minds are like individual rivers that all flow to and from the same ocean.
The biggest reason we stress is because we are trying to control the things that we can’t control the things that we can’t control and aren’t controlling what we can. There are so many things that we can’t directly control. We can’t control what a football team just did, We can’t control our past. We can’t control what other people think about us. However, we love to grab on to these situations and argue with them because we can’t do anything about it.
We can control our decisions. We can control our intention. We can control who and what we surround ourselves with. But the biggest thing we can control is … whether or not we accept this moment fully. This moment that you are in right now, do you accept it completely? Do you accept all of your emotions? Do you accept all of your past and future? DO you accept what they said about you? Do you accept the things might have been working against your expectations? Do you? If you do, you will move forward into a place within yourself that will allow you to start cocreating with life in a magical way, and the new world that you want to live in will start to show up around you.