It’s hard to believe but it has been a year since I moved to the US.
Today was not something special. I chose not to speak about it in school, because really I had nothing to say. Since going to the mikvah the other week, things have been a bit calmer and I am less upset. I am even able to say that I am living here and what I will be doing next year, although I have not yet written anything on Facebook or anything public like that (although it was just in an announcement from school). I don’t know it was the mikvah that changed things or if it was just the timing that changed things.
But for now I am closer to ok with what I will be doing next. I’m not yet at the excited and happy point, but maybe that will happen.
It is next week that I will take my final exam and have my klaf signed. I am nervous. I am nervous that I will blank on everything on the exam. I am nervous of what it means when this is done. I have been a student basically for my entire life, and now I will not be. So much of my identity has been being a rabbinical student- it will be an interesting change being a rabbi and a chaplain.
I am also excited. I am really going to be a rabbi. This crazy dream I had is going to be real. I am no longer going to be a student. I am going to be a rabbi and a chaplain. I know that I know things, and that they are not expecting me to know everything.
I think about the things that have happened in the past 12 months:
- Moved to the US
- Completed a unit of CPE
- Moved to Australia
- Taught at an embassy
- Saw the Great Barrier Reef, Sydney Opera House, Bondi Beach and other places
- Worked as an assistant rabbi of a shul
- Had an internship at a shul
- Had explicit conversations
- Became an aunt
- Wrote tshuvot
- Lived in New York City
- Danced with Bill Nye
- Went to Zurich
- Felt like my heart was broken but then had it mend a bit
It was by far not an easy year. There were parts that were amazing and parts that had me crying almost daily. I hope that this upcoming year I will feel like I made the right choices. I hope that it is one of growth and feeling of calm. A year that I feel complete.