It’s Yom Ha’azmaut and I did not go to a Tefilla chagigit last night. I didn’t go out and dance and drink all night long in Jerusalem. I’m not going BBQ hopping and seeing everyone outside in the park, with everyone enjoying the sun and air and not caring that the entire country smells like a BBQ.
I’m in New York. Actually I’m in bed because I’m not feeling so well. I’m not sure if it is because I am sad or exhausted or allergies or in the process of getting sick or a mixture of all three. Yesterday on Yom Hazikaron I did not have a moment of silence (actually the night before I was at a wedding…). I went home early from school, but being in school did not even feel like the day. It was just a day like any other, just my heart knew that my friends were sitting at the graves of their loved ones.
Last night I went out for burgers with a friend instead of going to a tefilla. This is her third year not in Israel and couldn’t bring herself to go to shul. She warned me that it would be really difficult, and I just followed her and had a burger. It had to be burgers so at least we fulfilled the obligation of having burgers on the day (there aren’t many obligations, but this sounds like a good one).
Yom Ha’azmaut last year turned into the day that I broke up with A. It was the marker to the time that I had left in Israel, as I flew out only a few days later. It is the marker that it is almost a year since I left, and coming even more in my mind after coming back to NY and knowing that it looks like I will not be there for a while still…