Posted in Daily Prompt, Life

Crossing Over the George Washington Bridge

I think back to when I was in Girl Scouts. When we moved from Daisy’s to Brownies we crossed a bridge to represent our growing up. According to the Girl Scout website, the bridge ceremonies are:

Moving On to New Adventures

Bridging is an important transition in a Girl Scout’s life. It’s a defining moment when a girl becomes aware of her achievements and is ready for new adventures and responsibilities. Celebrating this change should be fun, personalized, and memorable for everyone involved. And most of all, it should be designed by the girls in true partnership with adults.

Bridging ceremonies usually take place at the beginning or end of the Girl Scout year and can have three parts:

  • Opening: Guests are welcomed and the tone is set.
  • Main section: The ceremony is explained and the girls celebrate moving from one level to the next.
  • Closing: Girls can participate in friendship circles and thank their guests.

Each of the ceremony’s parts offers plenty of room for the girls’ creativity and individuality. The ceremony should always focus on paying tribute to Girl Scouts as they move forward.

Opening

Tomorrow is the day that I cross the bridge (the George Washington bridge) to my new home. I will be living in my own apartment in New York city. I will be there for at least 6 months, but potentially through August. I am bringing all of my belongings (it’s only 3 suitcases and an Adidas bag). It is making my move to the US real.

Main Section

This is a big move. This is what I knew would happen, and in some ways I was putting it off. It is part of my year of transition. I have realized that in 2016 I lived on three different continents. It is also the beginning of the end of me being a student. It will be (hopefully) my last very temporary home.

I said goodbye to my friends, my house, and my job. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it might be a longer goodbye than I intended, as I am started to apply to jobs in the US.

When I moved to the US in May, I thought that I would be moving in August. I had my time with CPE which I really enjoyed. I lived with my parent’s again, which I haven’t done since I was 17, which at times was great and at times was awful. There was something wonderful to come home with food in the fridge; someone to take care of me; someone to drive me places; to be part of the family again. But it was very lonely; I once again felt like a child instead of the adult I was growing up to be; I wanted my independence and I needed to be dependent.

While looking for an apartment in July, I came across a job opportunity in Australia- and the next thing I knew I was moving there instead of NYC. Australia was amazing. I don’t think I have been that happy in a while. That is not to say that it was perfect. There were definitely times of loneliness and trying to find friends and figuring out what to do. But for the most part I was happy. I don’t remember a time there that my body hurt from stress.

And then I moved back to the US. This time for real. I moved back and had to start looking for jobs to figure out what is next. I landed at my parents, which once again was wonderful to have but at the same time made things very difficult for me. Again I had people to care for me, take me places, try to love me- and all it made me feel was a failure. That here I am 31, no significant other, no friends, no job, and I live with my parents. Even though I knew that it was only short term, it was really hard. A mix of that reality, trying to figure out what is next, coming to terms of maybe not going back to Israel, and trying to find a place to live – this has been one very stressful month.

And now I am about to move. Yes, in some ways I am used to moving. But this is my first real move, where I will have my own space, in the US. It is the first time that I am moving so close to my parents. It is the first time in a long time (since 2004) that I didn’t have to think about how many liquids I’m packing; or that my mom could tell me to go “shopping” in the pantry to take things; or to pack sheets and towels; or to know that I can leave something, and get it back quickly, as it will only be an hour bus ride away.

Closing

So, tomorrow morning, when I go to school, it will be my last journey over the bridge to school. After school I will be taking the subway to my new apartment.

Tomorrow I will cross over the bridge and really start my time in the US. I will hopefully take this time to learn what I need from New York. I hope that I will find and build a community and friendships. I hope that I will be able to find a partner. I hope that it will become clearer what I want to do next and where I want to do it. I hope that having something grounding me, will help me feel less overwhelmed than I do right now.

via Daily Prompt: Crossing

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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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