Posted in Daily Prompt, Life

The Absence of Breath

I want to go back to where my shoulders are not up to my ears. To the days where I was hungry not nauseous. Back to where my stomach was not in knots.

I want to breathe easy. I want to not feel like I am holding my breath. To not feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest. For it to not feel like my insides are running around and nothing will slow it down.

I want the world around me not to be moving at a snail’s pace, filled with traffic jams and slow walkers.

I want to feel purpose again in my life. I want to be able to say what I want. I want to have quiet time. I want to do things on my own.

I want there to be certainty for the future. I want to know what I will be doing next. I want to know what will the best path for me. I want to know if it is worth it to make a home for myself or will I be moving again in six months.

I want to read the news and for it not to be filled with people being assassinated, cars ramming into parties, children being blown up. I want the leaders who are supposed to be representing my needs, to actually do so, instead of doing things that seem like it is only for their gain and fame.

I want someone to massage my head or at least play with my hair. I want the knots in my back to be released. I want to not notice my stomach.

I want to breathe easy. I want to breathe. I want to breathe.

I want to relax.

via Daily Prompt: Relax

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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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