I want to go back to where my shoulders are not up to my ears. To the days where I was hungry not nauseous. Back to where my stomach was not in knots.
I want to breathe easy. I want to not feel like I am holding my breath. To not feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest. For it to not feel like my insides are running around and nothing will slow it down.
I want the world around me not to be moving at a snail’s pace, filled with traffic jams and slow walkers.
I want to feel purpose again in my life. I want to be able to say what I want. I want to have quiet time. I want to do things on my own.
I want there to be certainty for the future. I want to know what I will be doing next. I want to know what will the best path for me. I want to know if it is worth it to make a home for myself or will I be moving again in six months.
I want to read the news and for it not to be filled with people being assassinated, cars ramming into parties, children being blown up. I want the leaders who are supposed to be representing my needs, to actually do so, instead of doing things that seem like it is only for their gain and fame.
I want someone to massage my head or at least play with my hair. I want the knots in my back to be released. I want to not notice my stomach.
I want to breathe easy. I want to breathe. I want to breathe.
I want to relax.