Posted in Life

On Being Afraid

I have to say, I am very afraid of what is happening in the US right now. The hate that has become more public terrifies me.

I am scared as an individual. What does it mean to live in a country that hate me because of my religion? (A statement that I have heard people talk about, but until now never thought about for myself). What does it mean to belong to a country that openly says that those who are not the same deserve to be killed or injured? Will I have to be afraid to talk to people? Will I have to be afraid to go out in public? Will I have to fear for my brothers or father or friends who go out with a kippa? Are the stories of the start of the rise of Hitler coming again, but no longer as a story being told, but a story that I am witnessing?

I am scared as a soon to be clergy member. I am afraid of what that means to be a target. I am afraid of not knowing how or being able to comfort people who turn to me for help. I am afraid that I am not strong enough to fight a fight, that seems like it can’t be won (although I wholeheartedly feel like it MUST be won). I’m afraid that I am not eloquent or knowledgeable enough to actually say things.

I haven’t been posting any articles on Facebook. I feel like the same ones are being passed around. I haven’t been speaking out mostly because I don’t feel like I have the words. I read articles and see videos and it makes me afraid. In some ways I want to post everything. In other ways, I feel like it won’t do anything.  I want something real to do, even though that idea scares me – which is hard to do from abroad. I know that people are hurting and are in pain. I know that people are trying to create change. I know that there are people fighting. I know that there are people creating safe spaces. I know that there are people joining together to try and make sure that “Never Again” actually means that – not only for the Jewish people, but for all who are being persecuted.

And at the same time, only yesterday there was a question on CNN if Jews are people; or a rally that ended with “Hail Trump“, and that is not to mention the graffiti that was found across the US.

I pray that this stops. I pray that we are able to take those who are full of senseless hate out of positions of power. I pray that the government is built in a way to make sure that things like this are not allowed. I pray that those who are afraid, will not fear any more. I pray that those who are fighting, will not lose strength. I pray that we as a human race, will learn how not to hate.

 

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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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