I have found some interesting TV shows here in Australia, some are good some are less than.
One show that I don’t think is very good, but is very intriguing is “Married at First Sight”. The idea is that a couple meets at the altar and then gets married. So far it is just the wedding reception and a bit after that has been shown (apparently next week we see the honeymoons where things good badly….)
This show has me thinking. Now it could be because it is almost my birthday, or because I am just feeling lonely in a new city, or I just miss being in a relationship with someone who cares about me…but I think that I would want to do such a thing. I mean, I don’t want to be on reality TV because I think that in general they ruin good things to make it more entertaining for the audience. But I wonder, would it work out if I worked with professionals, and then just got to the chuppah and got married to the person under there (ok, so halachically it wouldn’t really be able to work…so at the bedekin….)
Part of me thinks that it is crazy. That I want the dream of finding someone and falling in love and realizing that I can spend the rest of my life with them. But the other part of me is the realist. It hasn’t happened yet, I’m not getting younger, I find it really hard to meet people, arranged marriages worked for years and year- so why not.
I do feel a lot of pressure to get married, and I do feel like I am lacking something because I am not yet married. I know I can do things on my own and in some ways it is easier to take these adventures on my own- but at the same time it is lonely. If I have nothing planned, as I am just meeting people, I am sitting at home alone watching TV. I feel younger than people around me who are married and with a kid- even though I know that being married and having kids is not what makes you older, and I am an accomplished person.
I want to have that security. I want to have someone with me and not always be the single one. I want to sit at a table and have a partner instead of being the only one without one. I want to have someone to hold me. I want to be seen in my community as an adult. I want to have kids. I want to not feel like a social failure.
When I told a friend about the show, he asked me if I would do it. My answer is that it would most likely be my best bet, but I won’t go on it yet. I am not yet that desperate, and I still have a bit of hope that I will find someone who I want to be with and he wants to be with me. Maybe in year 31….