So I have been in the US now for 12 weeks. It is really hard to believe. My life is Israel seems so far away from me, while at the same time I don’t yet feel settled here, and those are the friends I am still turning to.
A lot has also changed in the past 12 weeks. I got to the US in a relationship, and we broke up as I arrived. At first I was hurt, but being away from him/not talking to him makes me realize that it was not meant to be, but I should just be happy that I had a nice time while I was able to. I have had an extremely intimate conversation with another friend of mine, someone I never thought we would talk about these things. He is also the first person I have ever shared some things with. At times it was uncomfortable, which I told him, and he didn’t press. I am not sure why I decided to continue the conversation, but I did, even through the slight discomfort. It was not a discomfort that he would do anything bad with it, but rather a discomfort of sharing some of my most innermost/private thoughts. I have also reconnected with some people I have not spoken to or seen in a number of years, them welcoming me into their homes when I needed a couch to crash on.
The past weeks have not been so bad, granted 90% of my day was spent at the hospital, and most of the time I did not have energy to do anything after or I had papers to write for class, so I did not have time to do something after.
I did feel isolated. That I am not only away from everyone I know, but I also didn’t really have people to “replace” them with. I did not go out very often, and so once again except for the people I was in class with, I rarely was with people my own age.
It was also strange to be back living with my parents. Even though I am an adult, by living with them I felt like a teenager again. Needing them to go places, the wanting to know where I am going and what I am doing, or just the fact of being under the same roof as them for this long (something I haven’t really done since I was 17). It hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. They have learned to respect my privacy, and have lightened up with asking questions.
And once again I am moving abroad. Yes, my plan was to move to NY for the year. I even started looking for a place to live. But while that was happening, I on a fluke sent out a CV, and this time next week I will be writing from Australia.
So once again there is a count down. One week till Australia. And one month till my birthday (oh gosh, I’m going to be 31….).