Posted in Daily Prompt

My Life is Unpredictable…but in a Good Way (Most of the Time)

Life is unpredictable. My life feel very unpredictable. In some ways bad and in other ways really good and exciting.

When thinking about what life would be like when I am 30 I thought that I would be married, with at least one kid, and with a job. I thought I would be more or less settled, be acting as a “real adult”.

At different points in my life I thought I would be different things. I thought I would be an artist, a teacher, a director, someone who runs programs in a nursing home, and someone in charge of intergenerational work.

I had always wanted to live in Israel. I don’t really think I ever really thought about where I would live if I was in the US, but I would guess it would be NJ or Maryland, as those were the places that I had connections to.

Instead, I am single, not even dating someone. I don’t have a full-time job. I don’t really have a place to call home. I don’t really feel settled.

Now, some of that is not all that bad.

I am upset at times that I am not in a serious relationship, but at the same time I realize that I would not have been able to accomplish what I have (at least not in the same way). I would not be able to take up some of the opportunities if I had a husband and children to think of. And maybe now that I am finishing school (finally) this too will come to be.

I thought that I would be in Israel and stay in Israel. And then I thought that I would come to NY for a year. And then I found a job in Australia, so I am going to be moving there for four months. Yes, I feel unsettled. I don’t have one place to call home. I don’t yet feel like I have a community here in NY. But I do have this amazing experience coming up. I am moving to another country to teach and to do the job that I have been training for.

When I was younger there were times I joked at becoming a rabbi. But that is all it ever was or could be. And now it is what I am doing. I never thought that I would see the day that women in the Orthodox movement would be studying to become rabbis, let alone myself be one of the first 30 to do so.

I never really thought that I would be someone who people know (I was really quiet as a child). I never thought that people would want to learn from me or think I am worthy of being something so great. I never thought that I would belong to so many different types of communities. I never thought that I would actually have the opportunity to travel around the world (after Australia, the only continent I haven’t been on is South America [well, and Antarctica]).

So there is something to unpredictable. Sometimes it is scary or frustrating or upsetting. But other times it is amazing.

So here is to the unpredictability of life. Please let it continue to be for the best.

 

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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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