Posted in Life

We are so Happy You are Here!

“We are so happy that you are here!”

That is what I have been hearing all week. Don’t get me wrong, it is really nice to feel wanted and loved. But at the same time, I don’t know what to say. I’m not really happy that I am here. I had to give up a lot to be here, and this week I am still sad about leaving.

I had to leave my friends. I had to leave my community. I had to leave my life of six years. I had to leave a guy I was dating (we decided to put things on a two week pause to see if we were really willing to do something long distance after such a short time together. I am much sadder at this point than I thought I would be…).

There are definitely things that I am looking forward to for this year. I know that it is a great opportunity to live in NYC for a year- a great city that has a lot to offer.  I know that being in the US I will be able to have experiences and internships that I just can’t have yet in Israel. I know that I will learn a lot by being in a beit midrash with other like-minded women. I know that I will get a chance to be near my family, which I haven’t been in over 13 years.

But right now- I’m still a little bit sad. My heart still hurts a bit for giving up my apartment. I am still missing the sun and the low white buildings. I miss the green around me and the familiar streets. I miss my friends, and being able to just call them or just meet up. I am sad that I had to put a relationship that was building on pause because I just up and left.

I really do pray that I gain more than I lost, and that this year long move is for the best.

 

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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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