Posted in Life

We are so Happy You are Here!

“We are so happy that you are here!”

That is what I have been hearing all week. Don’t get me wrong, it is really nice to feel wanted and loved. But at the same time, I don’t know what to say. I’m not really happy that I am here. I had to give up a lot to be here, and this week I am still sad about leaving.

I had to leave my friends. I had to leave my community. I had to leave my life of six years. I had to leave a guy I was dating (we decided to put things on a two week pause to see if we were really willing to do something long distance after such a short time together. I am much sadder at this point than I thought I would be…).

There are definitely things that I am looking forward to for this year. I know that it is a great opportunity to live in NYC for a year- a great city that has a lot to offer.  I know that being in the US I will be able to have experiences and internships that I just can’t have yet in Israel. I know that I will learn a lot by being in a beit midrash with other like-minded women. I know that I will get a chance to be near my family, which I haven’t been in over 13 years.

But right now- I’m still a little bit sad. My heart still hurts a bit for giving up my apartment. I am still missing the sun and the low white buildings. I miss the green around me and the familiar streets. I miss my friends, and being able to just call them or just meet up. I am sad that I had to put a relationship that was building on pause because I just up and left.

I really do pray that I gain more than I lost, and that this year long move is for the best.

 

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Author:

I'm not always the greatest at sharing what is in my head. Here is a place that I am experimenting with sharing my ideas and thoughts. They are about my life, my experiences in becoming a rabbi, things that I see going on around me, and sometimes words of Torah.

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