“We are so happy that you are here!”
That is what I have been hearing all week. Don’t get me wrong, it is really nice to feel wanted and loved. But at the same time, I don’t know what to say. I’m not really happy that I am here. I had to give up a lot to be here, and this week I am still sad about leaving.
I had to leave my friends. I had to leave my community. I had to leave my life of six years. I had to leave a guy I was dating (we decided to put things on a two week pause to see if we were really willing to do something long distance after such a short time together. I am much sadder at this point than I thought I would be…).
There are definitely things that I am looking forward to for this year. I know that it is a great opportunity to live in NYC for a year- a great city that has a lot to offer. I know that being in the US I will be able to have experiences and internships that I just can’t have yet in Israel. I know that I will learn a lot by being in a beit midrash with other like-minded women. I know that I will get a chance to be near my family, which I haven’t been in over 13 years.
But right now- I’m still a little bit sad. My heart still hurts a bit for giving up my apartment. I am still missing the sun and the low white buildings. I miss the green around me and the familiar streets. I miss my friends, and being able to just call them or just meet up. I am sad that I had to put a relationship that was building on pause because I just up and left.
I really do pray that I gain more than I lost, and that this year long move is for the best.