Posted in Life

Who Can I Ask for Advice?

I wish I had someone like me to speak to.

I realized that I am very comfortable listening to other people talk about sex and their sexuality, but when it comes to my own thoughts and feelings, I am actually really uncomfortable. I realize that I still (feel like) I live in a society that thinks that I should not be a sexual being, and for some reason I have accepted that idea for myself.

The physicality of this relationship is not something that I can talk about to everyone. I feel like I never allowed myself to desire or to think sexually. Not that it is necessarily something “wrong”, but rather just something that was not part of me. As I become more comfortable, I also desire more- and I am not sure what to do with that. I actually enjoy touching, and it both excites and scares me what more would feel like.

I have given other people advice when it comes to ideas of pre-marital sex, but I am not sure if I am able to take it myself. I don’t actually think that pre-marital sex is innately wrong. From learning the sources, it seems like it is, but only if a person is randomly sleeping around. I think that when a couple is actually in an intimate relationship, it might actually be the right thing to do. But even with thinking this, I also have something that is still telling me that to wait till marriage. That sex is something “sacred”.

Until now, I never really had to think much about it. I mean, I thought a lot about it with regards to other people, but I have not really thought about it for myself. I always thought that I would think about it when the time comes, but also thinking that the time would never really come. But here I am actually in a relationship that I can see us ending up having sex- and that scares me. I actually feel comfortable with physicality with him, and I worry that if I go farther, we will actually go all the way- and I don’t know how I feel about this religiously. I can’t even figure out what I would tell myself if I was asked this question…

 

 

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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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