Posted in Dating, Life

Learning to Break Down the Wall

Tonight I went to the musical “First Date”. It was actually quite funny, and I think they got dating down very well. It is mostly a comedy, and then the main actress sang the song “Safer”, and all I could think is – wow that is exactly how I feel. Here’s to praying that I will be able to get what she finds by the end of the play.

First Date – Safer 

I know that I have issues
I face them, I swear.
Think I overcome them
Then turn – they’re still there.

Wish that I was different
I’d like to let go.
But when I try to change
There’s my past, saying no.

Maybe it’s all ’cause of dad,
His new kids, his new wife
Or why not just blame mom
Who’s been nuts my whole life…

When you’ve felt so alone since
The moment of brith
And you’re struggled to find
Your own true sense of worth

When it seems there is no one
Across this whole earth
To depend upon, you carry on
Just like you always do

‘Cause it’s safer to rely on you.
Oh, it’s safer to rely on you.

Seen a million movies
All selling true love.
Fantasies I’m not sure
That I’m worthy of.

Caution to the wind
My heart’s been on display.
Still the end result is
It’s not gone my way.

So when I date some new guy
Who’s a deadbeat or jerk
At least I’m not so crushed
When it all doesn’t work…

When you once, unafraid,
Wore your heart on your sleeve
And the ones that you loved
Chose to just turn and leave

Every day it gets harder to
Somehow believe
You will survive, so you strive
Just to keep up your guard

‘Cause it’s safer to hold every card.
Oh, it’s safer to hold every card.

I feel out of control
I feel safe on the ground.
I go building up walls
Yet I wish to be found.

A true contradiction to which I am bound
As I keep on spinning around and around…

And I look at the people
Who’ve worked it all out
And I wonder why I’m still
A bundle of doubt and sometimes
I wanna just stand up and shout…

“Just commit and deal with it
Before your life flies by…
Don’t let your life fly by …”

But is it safer?
Maybe it’s safer
If I don’t try

You can listen to it here



I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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