Posted in D'var Torah

I Have an Idea?

The beginning of Parshat Yitro we hear how Yitro has an idea on how to make the court system better. Instead of Moshe hearing everything, there will be lower courts, and if they don’t know the answer, slowly they would make their way up to the highest court if need be. This would give Moshe more time to do other things, and also let him not deal with the smallest of disagreements.

Since last week I have been thinking about vulnerability. One reason I have concluded that I don’t like to be vulnerable is that I find that people will follow me, if I am leading- but if I have an idea but don’t have the time/energy to create it, it just won’t happen. I recognize that people in some ways are willing to support me, but when it comes to listening to me, they just don’t. And why should I put myself in those situations?

I am thinking about if the same was true with Yitro. Was he the one to help implement the idea? Or did he just tell Moshe what the idea was, and Moshe ran with it?

There are only so many times that one can hear “oh, that’s a great idea”, but when you ask for help- there is no one there to do so. They will happily join once something is created, but in the creation phase they are no where to be seen.

I am happy for the most part, that I know, if I really want something to be done, I just have to do it and it will happen. But at the same time it is tiring and lonely. I know that if I want something done, need to do it. There isn’t going to be anyone else there helping me. I know that my wants and needs are unique, but I guess most of the time I have the gumption to start things from scratch.

And so it is easier and less hurtful to not ask for help, because hearing no, or silence all the time is worse. But then there is the cycle again- I don’t ask for help, so people don’t think I need help and they know that I will do ok. And people aren’t there for me, so I don’t bother requesting it because I am afraid they will just turn me down, and I will be on me own again.

So my question for the week is- how does one show vulnerability, when they know that no one will be there, but still create? 

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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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