I was surprised this Shabbat how many times Moshe said to God that he was unable to do the job that God was giving him because he was bad at talking. It happend quite a bit (both this week and last). And God kept on telling Moshe that He is the one that is giving him the job, and that He will make sure that he is able to do what he needs to do, and He will even provide someone else to help him with the task.
How many times do we look at ourselves and what we are doing in life and think “oh gosh, I can’t do this because of X”? How many times do we discredit ourselves because of some true or believed disability? How many times do the people around us remind us that we really do have these powers/abilities/strengths?
I know that I question myself all the time, and probably sell myself short. It is much easier to look at what I am not good at and at the reasons that I will fail, rather than why I actually am fit to do what my path is showing me.
I think a bit also comes with this idea of humility (maybe it’s a female thing too, there are many articles on that as well). We are taught that we are not to brag about ourselves. We are not supposed to boast or showoff. We are supposed to put ourselves down a bit, so not to get to haughty. But what if we didn’t?
What if I looked and really believed in all the things that I can do? Yes, there are things that I am not good at, I’m not saying not to think that. There are things that I can and should improve, there are things that no matter what I do, I will never be able to do. But there are definitly things that I am great at.
My brother always tells me to “look at the signs God shows you.” Most of the time I have no idea what he is talking about. Lately I have been seeing them, I think. It is interesting to look at my past. I applied to the school in NYC 7 years ago, they told me I needed to learn for a year, and so I moved to Israel instead. I started learning again, got into a smicha program here, which was good at first, and slowly became more and more challenging- to the point of breaking me- but which lead me back to the program in NYC. Since the switch other things have started to fall into place. I applied to two CPE programs, I was told they were both very competitive, but I got into both. At the start of applying, the program that would send me to a nursing home was my first choice- it was comfortable, I think I want to work with older adults, and they gave me a stipend. But the more I thought about it, I wanted to try something new, learn something, be in a different environment- but they program in the hospital doesn’t give a stipend. But then, after waking up at 4am, I looked at the dates, and it seems that they would end early enough for me to work at camp- which would give me more or less the same amount of money as the stipend. Which would allow me to go in that direction.
So maybe what we can learn in this Parsha is that we just need to believe in ourselves. That if there is a path or a job we are supposed to do, even if we feel like it is not in us, if it is really meant to be we will find a way.
I wish for all of you to be able to see the way for your path and dreams. For you to find the people/things that will give you strength when you need a little boost. And for you to believe in yourself, that you really can do the job, and do it well.