Over Shabbat the Rabbi at shul spoke about Moshe jumping away from the staff once it turned to a snake. He jumped away from fear- but not fear from the snake. He jumped away from the fear of what he might become, of the responsibility, of that he is not “good” enough to do the job. And then God reminds him that he is, and this is where he is supposed to go.
I feel like people always are saying if only they had a sign from God of what they should be doing, they would just go with it. But here is Moshe, and he is being told by God exactly what his role in the world will be, and he too jumps back afraid.
Today I got my first acceptance to a summer program- meaning that my move to the US is becoming more real. I want to jump back. I want to go back to what I am used to- but at the same time, I know that this summer program is what I need in order to do what I want to in the world. I know that the switch of schools was something for the best. I can see that with the ease of some of these changes and additions that it is the right thing to be doing. I want to believe that it is God helping me figure out where I should be.
As much as I don’t want to be the one to jump back in fear, seeing Moshe jump makes me feel like it is ok to jump in fear at times. But to learn from him as well- that you also have to take the leap forward even when it is scary.