Posted in Dating

Saying No to a Date Shouldn’t Equal Being TOO Picky

I rarely get asked out. I rarely get set up. People are surprised by that fact, but it really is my life.

I have signed up for online dating, and have gotten only really inappropriate messages. I have signed up for the apps and actually had NO ONE that also chose me.  Most of the time that it seems like a guy is interested, nothing happens. And yes, I have made the “first move” and have been told no, or have them just disappear. And on the other end, the few times I actually am set up with someone, they are not appropriate at all. The last date I went on (almost 6 months ago), a friend saw me on the date, and on the next day and wanted to know who in their right mind-set us up (he was a giant schlub, and on top of that he told me how he has no friends and spends all day on the computer).

I feel like I need to say yes, even if I am not at all interested in the guy, or find him physically repulsive, or if he doesn’t seem interesting to me. If I say no, then I am told that I am too picky or that I can’t blame anyone else except for myself that I don’t date.

This makes me so angry and frustrated!!

I should be able to say no, no matter what my reasoning is. I should be able to ask for a picture to make sure that he is not repulsive to me, without feeling vain. I should be able to ask about his personality and what he does, and then make a decision, to see if I agree that he is a good match for me.

I am not THAT desperate (yet). I should not have to settle for something that I don’t think is fitting just because I am 30. I should still be able to have an opnion. And to be honest I would hope that my friends who are trying to set me up, they actually think about me as a person and not just someone single that needs a partner.Maybe if that is done, I won’t feel hurt by meeting someone who is SO not appropriate for me (which actually just feels sad, worse than just not dating at all).

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Author:

I'm not always the greatest at sharing what is in my head. Here is a place that I am experimenting with sharing my ideas and thoughts. They are about my life, my experiences in becoming a rabbi, things that I see going on around me, and sometimes words of Torah.

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