Posted in Dating

Saying No to a Date Shouldn’t Equal Being TOO Picky

I rarely get asked out. I rarely get set up. People are surprised by that fact, but it really is my life.

I have signed up for online dating, and have gotten only really inappropriate messages. I have signed up for the apps and actually had NO ONE that also chose me.  Most of the time that it seems like a guy is interested, nothing happens. And yes, I have made the “first move” and have been told no, or have them just disappear. And on the other end, the few times I actually am set up with someone, they are not appropriate at all. The last date I went on (almost 6 months ago), a friend saw me on the date, and on the next day and wanted to know who in their right mind-set us up (he was a giant schlub, and on top of that he told me how he has no friends and spends all day on the computer).

I feel like I need to say yes, even if I am not at all interested in the guy, or find him physically repulsive, or if he doesn’t seem interesting to me. If I say no, then I am told that I am too picky or that I can’t blame anyone else except for myself that I don’t date.

This makes me so angry and frustrated!!

I should be able to say no, no matter what my reasoning is. I should be able to ask for a picture to make sure that he is not repulsive to me, without feeling vain. I should be able to ask about his personality and what he does, and then make a decision, to see if I agree that he is a good match for me.

I am not THAT desperate (yet). I should not have to settle for something that I don’t think is fitting just because I am 30. I should still be able to have an opnion. And to be honest I would hope that my friends who are trying to set me up, they actually think about me as a person and not just someone single that needs a partner.Maybe if that is done, I won’t feel hurt by meeting someone who is SO not appropriate for me (which actually just feels sad, worse than just not dating at all).


I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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