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Empty

I feel empty. I have no more prayers. I don’t know what to do anymore.

How is it possible that people are so horrible and cruel? How is it that in today’s day and age thousands of people are being murdered on a daily basis? How is it that we have the ability to create such beautiful things- but at the same time create the things that are the most ugly and destructive- and those are the things that get the most publicity? How can we not have learned from our past? Is there anyone out there that really wants their loved one’s to be killed? to never see them again? To live in a state of fear and panic? 

I was praying and I want to cry- but I am not sure how to anymore. I want to think that it can do something- but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is just a childhood fantasy that the world can be a good place. Maybe I must just accept the fact that the world is bad. That the world is one of death and destruction and murder and sadness. That all the positive things are just small and mean nothing- or maybe I am just making up that there is a good thing…

I pray for peace. I am hopeful for peace. But really the question is, what is peace? Is there such a thing? Or is it just a false idea from a Utopian society?  

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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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