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Just Stop

Just stop. I don’t understand how the world is filled with so much hate. Why is it that we are living in a time and place that people hate each other so much that they are willing to kill them. This is an issue around the entire world, not just an Israeli thing. Just reading the news- it is just about who has killed who. What about a world, where it is who has helped who? What if we took all of our energy and put it towards helping one another? What if we took all of this anger and put it towards helping our own? I really want to believe that the world can be and is a good and beautiful place, but when hearing and reading about all of what is happening, it is very hard to do. 

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend- and I had no words. How am I supposed to respond to:

A:i hope you are doing ok
B:Ehhhhh
B:I’m not in gaza right now, so that’s…better
B:I dunno. I’m never going to be the same
B:Combat is a nightmare
What is the right response? How am I supposed to comfort them? Can I even do that? I don’t know what it was like (thank God), and I’m not even in the country when all this is going on. Who else will “never be the same” because of what is going on in their country- whether they are in the army or just a civilian whose daily routine is partially dictated by bombs and rockets and killing?
 
Since all of this stuff in Israel has started, I’ve started saying Tehillim. It is not me to be so spiritual- but I don’t know what else to do. I am not sure if saying Tehillim helps or not- but I do know that it can’t hurt anything. (This all also makes me question God- if there is a God then I want to know why this is happening, and I hope that my prayers are heard. And if there isn’t a God, then maybe all this saying of Tehillim is for me to feel like I am doing something. I’m not sure.) But with the saying of Tehillim, I’ve been having some problems. Some of them are about calling out to God, asking for help, asking for change, asking for us to be able to overcome our enemies. But yesterday, after I had this conversation with my friend- it was all about praising God, about all the good that God does in the world, about the good that God does for the Jewish people. Yes, I need to figure out a way to see the beauty and the good that is happening. But how can I be praising God in a time like this. I feel like I am angry at God for allowing this to be the situation of the world. I am angry at God that children are being murdered. I am angry at God that my friends have to put themselves in very dangerous situations. I am angry at God that He is allowing fathers of newborn children to die. I am angry at God that for whatever reason, the only way that people can see that they can create peace is with war. 
 
I hope for myself and others around the world- that we are all able to see some beauty and goodness in the world. And more so, not only to see the beauty, but to be helpers in the creation of beauty and goodness. And hopefully soon, good can overcome the evil, and people will be able to walk around without fear. 
 
May the Holy One, blessed be he, renew it unto us and unto all his people, the house of Israel, for life and peace, for gladness and joy, for salvation​ and consolation; and let us say, Amen.
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Author:

I am prone to overthinking and not to sharing. I decided to start writing and see what happens. So here are some stories and life situations (sometimes words of Torah) of a 30 something single woman, who happens to be a rabbi (received ordination in 2017- so there are posts of what that experience was like), will be working as a chaplain (and worked for years with older adults), is regularly asked what city she is located in (started the blog while living in Israel, found herself working in Australia, and will be in New York for at least a year), and is just trying to figure out her place in the world.

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